Tuesday, January 31, 2012

God allows us to be broken so we can't look any where but up.

It's funny because for as long as I can remember I've been taught that you don't share your business with anyone outside your direct family.  Unfortunately, I suck at that rule, I feel that if my life experiences can help one person than it's worth it.  I was listening to word FM this am which is my favorite radio station.  They were talking about this exact thing.  I was thankful that this christian community backs me on this.  Some of the most amazing people that we could ever meet have been broken and it's their stories that give each and every one of us hope.  Miss America's father went to prison while she was in her late teens.  This empowered her to make her entire campaign on helping the children of incarcerated parents.  When she discussed this with her parents telling them of her plans and asking permission to share their families story,  her dad said go for it.  Why did he feel this way because he understood the impact that his daughter could have on other children going through a similar situation.  He also said that God would bring out the good.  Now that is a courageous man.

Although it seems so long ago it was only a few months ago when I felt completely lost, betrayed, and worthless.
At one point tears streaming down my face as we faced possibly losing our house I yelled at God saying where are you.  Are you sleeping?  Just like the men on the boat.  I drug myself to church that Sunday feeling numb.  It was that service that opened my eyes to the fact that God wasn't sleeping and was right there beside me.  I have told my patients many times that even when things seem as though they are impossible or we are grieving a loss he always has a plan.  He puts us through these tests for a good reason.  How often can we look back on our lives and say wow if that never happened then this or that wouldn't have happened in my life.  Even when we can't see any good and can't understand why God would put us through the things he does we have to know he understands why it's necessary.

I'm now working a normal work week with excellent benefits, and so many days off I can't hardly believe it.  My boss is a phenomenal lady with tons of experience.  I learn so much from her.  She possesses all the qualities that I feel makes a excellent boss.  She leads by example, doesn't stomp on people to get to the top, and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty.  I'm finally getting back to my old self a self that I haven't seen for at least a year.  During my time off I was able to catch up with all my friends from high school who have been a huge support.  Love you guys! We look forward to getting to church more regularly.  I'm pumped to hear David's message every week.  I hate it when I have to miss.  I feel more blessed than ever to be putting my family second only after God.  Although I love my patients I tend to put everyone around me before my family.  I will need continued prayers and support to change this bad habit but I'm on the right track.